Randy Rainbow's Musical Advice to A Wheezing Trump: "Just Keep Breathin' "

Kilian Melloy READ TIME: 3 MIN.

Musically-inclined pundit and comedian Randy Rainbow has forsaken Broadway's vast trove of show tunes for an Arana Grande slam in which Rainbow rewrites the chanteuse's "Breathin'," enlivening the parody version with snorts, gasps, and a belch.

The new parody video starts off looking like a press conference in the Rose Garden, with Trump responding to reports that he "threw a tiny baby temper tantrum and stormed out your infrastructure meeting after learning that Nancy Pelosi accused you of being 'engaged in a cover-up,' " as Rainbow summarizes.

"I don't do cover-ups," Trump appears to respond to Rainbow's query. Going on to say that the meeting had been arranged days earlier, Trump then claims, "All of a sudden I hear last night that they're going to have a meeting right before this meeting, to talk about the I-word."

Rainbow hazards a guess: "Impotence?"

"The I-word," Trump reiterates.

"Irrational?" Rainbow queries.

"The I-word!"

"Idris Elba?"

Eventually, Rainbow homes in on "the I-word" Trump is referring to: "Oh – impeachment!"

"Can you imagine," Trump says.

Rainbow offers a weak expression of sympathy while rolling his eyes.

"The whole thing with Russia was a hoax," Trump intones. "And I'll tell you, my lawyer said, 'You don't have to do this, You can use presidential privilege."

A sniffing sound enters the audio track at this point.

"You don't have to let – " Sniff! " – your lawyers and all of your staff testify – " Sniff! "You can be transparent," Trump continues, "or you can be tight." The president then appears to draw a labored, gasping breath.

"Sweetie, you seem riled up," Rainbow jumps in, looking alarmed. "Would you like a hard candy? Or maybe a ventilator?"

The singing comic pundit then launches into song.

"Some days Democrats can be a pain trynna circumvent." Rainbow notes, then follows up with another observation: "It's hard to be the fake president."

"What crazy sounds you make," the comic commentator croons, as another nasal huff resounds. "Is it a substance that you're sniffing? Or could it just be a sinus thing?"

As Trump shuffles at the podium, looking uncomfortable, Rainbow sails ahead with, "Life just ain't rosy. Nancy Pel-osi's creepin' on your TV, actin' shady." Rainbow then lists a few of Trump's woes: "Tried to drop Mueller; thought this was over, but she's got your number now and you feel under attack."

What to do?

"Just keep breathin' and breathin' and breathin' and breathin'," Rainbow sings. "Ya know they might impeach; keep on breathin'."

"Just keep wheezing," Rainbow continues. "Seething. Panting. Screaming, Your teeth are falling out; keep your teeth in!"

Rainbow then soars into a fantasia that takes an overview of Trump's approach to the saga of the Mueller investigation, an in-depth probe that resulted in a number of Trump associates facing criminal charges but that stopped short of finding the president himself guilty of conspiring with a hostile foreign power to influence the 2016 election.

"You clown and mess around, joking about subpoenas they give, invoking so much executive priv-ilege. But now things got you down. Thought that your Fox friends would never cheat; why they all crushin' on Mayor Pete?" Rainbow goes on, referencing the openly gay mayor of South Bend, Indiana, whose candidacy for 2020 has taken off in dramatic fashion.

"They just dissed Donald – now he's disgruntled – he's breathing like my old man's carburetor. Ew!

"He cries 'No fair!' and claims he's transparent," the song rollicks on. "I guess you could say he's right 'cause we see through him every time."

Here, Trump seems, once more, to wheeze painfully.

Nancy Pelosi appears at this juncture, to say, "I don't think we should, impeach the president for political reasons."

"How about just for fun?" Rainbow suggests.

Rainbow starts up the song again... with freshly rejiggered lyrics:

"Just impeach him, impeach him, impeach him..."

Returning to Trump, Rainbow confronts the president for having retweeted a faked video that had been altered to make Pelosi seem to be slurring her words. "Isn't that a cheap shot?"

Trump begins a new rant, his voice now distorted and sped up, as Rainbow throws a wink to the viewer.

Watch the full video below.


by Kilian Melloy , EDGE Staff Reporter

Kilian Melloy serves as EDGE Media Network's Associate Arts Editor and Staff Contributor. His professional memberships include the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association, the Boston Online Film Critics Association, The Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and the Boston Theater Critics Association's Elliot Norton Awards Committee.

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